Does Feeling Like You're a Burden Stop You From Being Vulnerable?

This was not the blog post I planned to write. Yet it seems the most urgent. Feeling like a burden to others is an emotion, a very real emotion. It’s an emotion that I continue to explore on my self-discovery journey and I work continuously to be vulnerable.

This entire article is wrapped around how to not feel like a burden. Something that is very important to uncover in your life.
 

There is a connection between feeling like a burden and being totally resistant to allowing others to help, support and, yes, even love you. In other words, if you feel like you’re a burden to others, you may consistently resist the help, support, and love that comes when you can be totally open and vulnerable.

In my book, Dear Vulnerable [find your copy here], I go into detail about feeling like I have to prove my value in all types of relationships to the point that I can easily allow others to take advantage of me. I have to go over the top to prove my value to that person. In some ways, I think I invite this feeling into my life frequently because I never want to feel like I am a burden on any friendship or relationship. In my amateurish research on this, as I flow on my own journey, I confirmed what I suspected to be the truth.

If people grow up feeling different or other than in some way, they very often can grow into adulthood with the feeling that they’re a burden to other people. Let me provide some clarity with a personal example. A physical birth defect left me feeling very different when I was a kid. It made me feel like I was an outsider and I didn’t realize the impact it had on me growing up. But, as an adult woman, I am very conscious of this feeling. That defect I was born with coupled with the feeling of being an “outsider” left me never wanting to be a burden on anyone.

Burden: a load, typically a heavy one. A duty or misfortune that causes hardship, anxiety or grief; a nuisance.

While painful, I apply this definition to my own emotions. In the clarity is where the healing starts and is a very important key to vulnerability. I want to be helped, supported, and loved.
Feeling like a burden inhibits our vulnerability capacity.

I believe that any woman who has this underlying feeling of never wanting to be a burden is probably quite aware of it. For many years, I thought it was a positive emotion because I thought it made me all the stronger. I didn’t want to be a burden and therefore didn’t bother anyone for anything.

I thought people would appreciate and love me for being so strong and independent. Was I wrong? Yes, I found out that I was. Without even being cognizant of this reality, I never really gave anyone a chance to be involved with me at a deeper level. What I thought was being strong was really rejecting others who wanted to help me. I was aware of the feeling but completely mischaracterized its impact on me, my friends, and my family.

I have an exciting journey ahead as I lay new tracks in my life that are very different from the tracks that had me believing that I was a burden. I now get that I am not and never was. And neither are you!

Daily affirmations and practicing vulnerability are vital exercises I use to let go of this negative feeling. So far, so good and I believe that it can work for you, too.

I look at vulnerability in two buckets.

1. The root causes of our inability to be vulnerable with others.
2. The methods we use to remain NOT open and vulnerable- these are our defense mechanisms.

In a recent blog [read here], I wrote about shame and judgment as being methods of not allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. In future blogs, I will be spending more time on the self-sabotaging self-defense mechanisms we can have.

I have gone on a journey of my soul. I write about vulnerability and self-discovery from the direct lens of my experiences. From my perspective, it’s important to think about the root causes of WHY we aren’t being vulnerable, supported, and asking for the help and the love that we deserve.

The fear of being a burden on someone else could be a reality for you as well.

Do you feel like you’re a burden to others but know you don’t take advantage of anyone?

Do you want to know how to stop feeling like a burden?

If so, please do this Self-Reflection Exercise. Grab a pen and journal/paper and answer these questions:

1. Are you inviting others to take advantage of you by helping and supporting others yet refusing to let others help and support you?
    
2. Does it make you feel worthy when you are totally drained from giving support and help?
    
3. When was the last time you really leaned on someone for support?
    
4. How often do you wish you could lean on someone, but feel like you would be an unfair burden on them? And does this constantly stop you from seeking the support you really need?

The only way to know that you are not a burden on others is to be vulnerable and give others a chance to help, support, and to love you. Let those whom you trust to know these feelings that you have and let them answer honestly. They can directly reassure you that it is not how they feel. Engage in daily self-reflection and affirmations that redirect your thinking to the reality that you are worthy of support and love.